Come Back To Me
by WestCoastTrees
Summary: Written in a fit of anger after the Jesus, etc episodes; it you think Clare trusting Fitz would be a mistake and love EClare, you'll probably like this story. I also didn't make Eli go crazy, I think that's a let down on the part of the Degrassi writers.
1. Chapter 1

**Alli's POV**

I was so happy I was getting to see Clare today, but a larger part of me was concerned about her. When we were talking on the phone last night, she shocked me by telling me the unthinkable happened: she broke up with Eli earlier that day. I may have been away from Degrassi for a while, but I highly doubt that just how much Eli obviously cared for her had changed. I may have been living in a Drew-induced haze when Eli and Clare's relationship had developed, but you'd have to be outright blind to not notice Eli's feelings of genuine care and love toward Clare, and the way he stood by her with a maturity that you wouldn't expect from a fifteen year old boy.

Clare fell apart as the reality of her parents' divorce set in and Eli was there right away to pick up the pieces that I wasn't sure anyone could. He forgave Clare's erratic behaviour and honestly, what was the complete humiliation that she made him undergo at a dinner with her parents – an hour that to Eli I am sure felt like something out of a nightmare. He forgave that without as much as a second thought and generally, he just made Clare so…happy. Happy and free and brave and not hidden in her shell – to be honest, I am not sure how the past few months in Clare's life would have been without Eli there. And I don't just mean that in reference to her English mark. After all the drama and heartbreak with KC last year, I was so happy a good guy had come into Clare's life because she absolutely deserved it. If I had a nickel for all the times that I wished Drew would have taken some hints on how to treat a girl from Eli, I could easily get around to my desire of solving world hunger.

So, therefore, all of this let me racking my brain, trying to come up with what could have possibly gone so wrong and cause Clare to break up with Eli? She was so evasive on the phone last night, but there's _no way_ I am going to let her avoid the subject in person. I need to make sure Clare wasn't acting on one of her impulses again, because as I am much too familiar, the combination of one of Clare's impulses with her tendency to be over judgemental at times is a bad one. On the other hand, if Eli had done something really hurtful to Clare, he will need to watch himself. I might not be a student at Degrassi anymore, but hell hath no fury like that of an angry Alli Bhandari. So, just as I was imagining ways to make Eli pay in case this whole mess was his fault, I was interrupted by the doorbell.

Outside stood a very conflicted-looking Clare, and in that moment I knew whatever happened couldn't have been easy for her, so before we even exchanged any words I just wrapped her in a hug. I could tell something was wrong however – after a few seconds I could almost physically feel Clare put a shield up. We had been best friends for so long that I could tell when she got like this, and I knew knocking these walls down wouldn't be easy. But I was not going to let her get away with as much as an explanation. I am almost certain this break up was initiated by her…what can I say, best friend telepathic powers had picked up a bit of…guilt on her end.

'Oh Clare, I've missed you so much,' I confessed. 'You have no idea how much the irony of my parents thinking Malika is the best influence possible on me haunts me. That girl has nothing on you - you're the sweetest and the most amazing best friend a girl could ask for. Which is why I have to be honest with you – I'm really worried about you right now. You need to tell me what happened – start from the very beginning'.

'Alli, you have no idea how much I've missed you too! There isn't a day that goes by at Degrassi that I don't think of you; and the school on the whole is totally missing its Alli spark. It's depressing…are you thinking of ever coming back eventually?'

'Funny you should ask that – things at this new school are a bit of a mess right now as well, but I think the bit of space from Degrassi – and from he-who-shall-not-be-named especially – is good for me. I don't know, honestly, I miss a lot of things about Degrassi – you, of course, the football games and dances, some of the teachers, watching Sav and Holly J. actually be convinced that no one knows about the two of them, seeing what everyone was up to everyday…but then I think of walking around the hallways and bumping into Bianca, or sitting in Purino's class next to he-who-shall-not-be-named and I'm just not sure I can see myself back there again. I don't know yet, Clare, it also depends on when my parents decide they can trust me again – if they_ ever_ reach that decision. But what I _do_ know is that you need to start talking – _pronto_," I say, grabbing ice-cream, M&Ms, bowls and spoons out of the kitchen and gesturing toward the stairs towards my room.

'There isn't much to say, Alli – it's done and I am trying to put Eli behind me," Clare said as she went up the stairs and sat down on my bed.

'Oh no you don't Clare – don't you try to dismiss this just like that! I saw firsthand how wonderful Eli was to you, and I'm not letting this go that easily. It's in the best friend's job description to analyze break ups and…look for potential mistakes,' I said, that last part just soft enough for her to hear.

'Is that what I am to everyone? Some job they need to do?' Clare exploded. Her blue eyes were cold as ice as she left me staring in confusion.

'Whoa, whoa, hang on, what do you mean? You're not a job to me, that's not what I am saying at all – I'm just trying to make a point that as your best friend, I am concerned and hurting for you right now,' I tried to explain. 'Clare…tell me what's going on," I softly pleaded.

'It's just that…you used the exact same words Eli did when everything started to fall apart. He said that as my boyfriend, it was his job to protect me, but what he needed to understand was that I never asked him to do that!'

'Oh Clare, of course you never did, but Eli's a guy – and might I add, one of the good ones – and wanting to protect you was just his way of showing he loves you,' I stated.

'That's exactly what Adam said,' Clare admitted, realization creeping onto her face.

'But hang on a second, Clare. Is everything all right with your parents? What was Eli talking about with this whole protection business?' I asked; Clare wasn't being very helpful with advancing this whole story along. As soon as I did though, she moved her gaze from mine and stared at her hands, which were crossed in her lap. After a long pause she finally said "Fitz…is back."

Now, if Clare had told me a kangaroo from Australia was the newest student at Degrassi, I couldn't have been more surprised. And my expression must have betrayed my thoughts, because she immediately clarified 'Not at Degrassi. Back from juvi, _and _he works at the Dot now.'

But if she thought that clarification made things better, she was wrong. I mean, obviously I was glad Simpson knew better than to allow him to return to school, but still…it needed to be said: "WHAT! How is that possible after everything he did? And he works at the Dot? The place that previously was a chill place to grab an iced macchiato and a mean chocolate cheesecake is now Fitz-land? Oh Clare, don't hate me, but I totally see where Eli was coming from now.' I'm afraid that was the wrong thing to say because Clare immediately exploded after that.

'No, he didn't Alli. All Fitz wanted to do was apologize, to me and to Eli both, and Eli completely blew it out of proportion. He would keep 'look-outs' and he was acting over protective and possessive; he was completely suffocating me so I ended it. That's what happened, and if you please, I would like to put it behind me," Clare said with a resoluteness that might have otherwise worked if I didn't happen to be so incredibly furious. That jerk had gotten in between Clare and Eli again and he was no Bianca – this was worse. I was completely fuming that Fitz was back and was desperately trying to gather my thoughts because there was no way this conversation was ending here, but I would have to be gentler or I knew Clare would just walk out of my house.

'Clare, if that's what you want, that's what we will do. No more talking about Eli. But we are talking about you because I am worried about this whole thing. How did Fitz suddenly undergo this reformation – and don't give me that look – it _is _sudden, he was only there a few months?' I didn't care if she didn't want to talk about it, this was ridiculous!

'He…found Jesus in juvi. He explained it all to me and I forgave him,' Clare said slowly.

Clare forgiving him wasn't surprising to me at all, but the other gem of information she just threw at me even beat the Degrassi kangaroo roaming the halls image. She had to be kidding me. 'He…found Jesus? Fitz found Jesus?' my face must have once again betrayed me because I was met with a very stern look from Clare.

'Don't give me that look Alli,' Clare said sharply.

'I am not giving you any look Clare, but you are my best friend and I need to be honest with you. You are my best friend and you need to listen to me too Clare. Please. If not for you, do it for me,' I was begging at this point.

'Alright,' Clare gave in.

'I just…I think maybe there's more to it than might appear at first glance. We need to be analytical here,' I said, hoping that this perspective might be more successful; I was well aware of how Clare always tried to consider every side of an issue before making a decision.

'I _did _try to be analytical, Alli…' Clare said with a softer tone; it looked like my strategy was working.

'First off, that was very generous of you to forgive Fitz. You are an angel Clare,' I said, and gave her a quick hug, thinking it would be best to start off on a positive note. Clare smiled a meek smile, which I chose to interpret as a sign that I should go on.

'BUT…I am not comfortable with Fitz being around – and before you say anything; you need to respect that that is how _I_ feel; it may not be how you feel but those are just my feelings. I think it is extremely suspicious that when he cannot enrol back at Degrassi, he chooses to spend his time working in the one place that is most frequented by the kids that go to Degrassi…' I was cut off by Clare.

'He says it is because Father Greg, the minister in juvi, set him up at the Dot through a work placement program he runs – the Father chose the Dot because it was closest to Fitz' house,' Clare told me, raising her tone at me. It was time to take things down a notch before she'd have a Sav-style freak out at me, I thought.

'Well, all right then. I also think it's good he wants to apologize to you and Eli, but I don't think constantly coming up to you guys is the way to do it. He should have written you guys notes and let you come to him, or have his parents set up a more controlled meeting with you and your parents and Eli and his parents as well…or I don't know, something along those lines. And, Clare…finally, and don't hate me for this, but I think in order for us to be as analytical as possible, we _need_ to take into account Eli's perspective here too. Just how much did you guys talk about what happened at Vegas Night? You forgave him, which I think was the right thing to do as he apologized and I think he understood he took things too far. When you told me Fitz came back, I was afraid him and Eli had already gotten into like five fights. Has Eli tried anything like that on Fitz?'

'Well, no, not exactly, he's just told Fitz to back off and stay away from us, or when there was an us anyway…and he didn't do it very nicely might I add,' Clare responded.

'Clare, that's only natural. Eli may put on this bad boy façade, but there's no way that what happened at Vegas night didn't affect him. And now, out of the blue he's faced with a Fitz who wants to talk to him and you and who all of a sudden shares the one level you and Eli don't exactly stand eye to eye on? You need to understand that he was worried – maybe even scared – and looking out for you is his way of doing everything he can,' I tried to explain. 'I realize you don't think Fitz is a danger anymore…' I was trying to explain as gently as possible until I was once again cut off by Clare.

'He isn't Alli, all he wanted was for Eli to forgive him. When he asked Eli for that, all Eli had to say was a smart 'Whatever' and when I pointed out how unfair it was that Fitz apologized and he couldn't say anything in return, he just left' Clare said.

'Well, him leaving is better than starting something with Fitz, it might be Eli's only way of being able to control himself. You need to remember all those things that Eli trusted you to know – his background with bullies, the fact that incidents at Vegas Night probably affected him more than you think, and…his sensitivity to losing those he loves…' I paused for a few seconds before I continued. 'And Clare, forgiving Fitz is something he will have to do on his own terms. You can't just tell him to and expect him to do it…he might not ever do it, and to be honest, I am not sure we should be thinking he has to. That has to be Eli's decision…it can't be anyone but his.' By the time I finished all of this, I was scared Clare would walk out. But she didn't.

'Well, Alli, Eli can go ahead and deal with those things on his own from now on, because I just can't stand him hovering over me all the time. I can't handle his intensity and I thought we would be good for each other, but we just aren't. I can't deal with him anymore, and I'm not going back on my decision. I told him we aren't meant to be together, and I still believe that.' Clare persisted. I knew there wouldn't be any changing of her mind, but I needed to show her that she was making a mistake. I'm not saying she had to get back together with Eli, because it was obvious she didn't want to, but I needed to show her this side of the issue. The rest was up to her.

'Oh Clare, I am not trying to get you guys back together. Just trying to look at everything that's going on, that's all.' I confessed.

'Thank you Alli, I appreciate that. But I think it's time we do something fun now. How about making these sundaes before the ice cream melts and popping in that movie you had wanted to watch?' Clare suggested.

'Of course. We need some type of escape from all the drama!' I agreed, but I spent the whole movie thinking about how maybe I should tell Clare just how uncomfortable I was with this whole situation – I had always suspected Fitz had a thing for her and the more I thought about it, the more suspicious everything looked. I wasn't around Degrassi hangouts anymore, Eli obviously wouldn't be around, and who knows where Clare and Adam stood – I wouldn't blame him wanting his distance from Fitz after what Fitz had done to him as well. No, I didn't like this one bit – Fitz was no KC, whose worst mistake after the breakup was the math test cheating fiasco – Fitz had shown the capacity in the past to be cunning, vicious, and violent, and Clare had shown the capacity to be…naïve. And stubborn. I couldn't help but feel that she was making a mistake and there was nothing I could do about it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Clare's POV (the next day)**

I had just arrived home from spending the night at Alli's. It was a nice distraction, and I was thankful that she didn't push the Eli topic further. I was surprised that Alli emphasized his good qualities so much, but she wasn't there for when things started to go downhill; she didn't know what he was like. Besides, I had made my decision and I realized I was better off without him. I pulled out my phone and saw I had no missed calls or texts and for a second there as I felt a little sad I felt like I was betraying myself – _this is what you wanted, remember_? As it was Sunday, my mom was at home and I was a little surprised to see that she was baking – this was something she hadn't done in a while, since before the divorce.

'Brownies, mom?' I asked.

'Oh, hi Clare, you're here! Yes, love, it's brownies…your favourite! I'm sorry I haven't baked in a while, it's just that things were so busy for a while there and I wasn't really in the mood. But you know what? This arrangement of sharing the house has made things much easier for me as well and today when I woke up I just felt like making these again. It was really a smart idea on your part to suggest sharing the house, honey. Now have some brownies!" My mom said pleasantly.

I know I should have been happy that she was feeling better, but all I felt was sadness at remembering it was Eli who had suggested this arrangement would be better for me – and undoubtedly it was, and amazingly, it was also good for my mom it seemed. I know Alli was trying to tell me how good Eli was to me, and he was…._no, stop it Clare, block that out of your mind_.

I headed upstairs and spend the rest of the morning and early afternoon finishing my homework. When I was done, I decided to head to the Dot. I knew Alli wouldn't approve, and Eli definitely wouldn't, which only made me want to go there more. So I did. And yes, I talked to Fitz; he spent his whole break having a tea with me. And I found him funny and very devoted to admitting and fixing his mistakes and talking about how much finding Jesus had helped him work through his dark times. I stayed until closing time, and then Fitz offered to walk me home, which I accepted. Did doing this feel wrong, keeping in mind just two days ago I was telling a tearful Eli we can't be together? No, it did not. Because Eli and I were through, and unlike Eli and Alli thought, there was nothing wrong with Fitz. On the contrary, he was nice and thoughtful and when I got home I spent the rest of the night reading, and wondering what school would be like tomorrow – Eli and I had broken up on Friday and it would be our first day back at school, and a day in which we both had English together.

**Eli's POV (that same night)**

'Thanks for dinner, Mom. It was great,' I said, already booking it for the stairs. I just wanted to be alone in my room, away from everybody and everything. I knew my mom made lasagne tonight because it was my favourite meal, and I appreciated everything her and dad had been trying to do for me this weekend, but in reality I just wanted to be alone. I guess you could say I needed my own damn space right about now.

'You're very welcome, baby boy. Now hang on, before you rush upstairs…" my mom started but I could tell my dad was sensing her hesitation and he took over.

'Are you sure you don't want to do anything tonight, son? Maybe watch a video, look through what's new on iTunes?' He attempted.

'No thanks dad, maybe another night. I still have…some homework to wrap up for tomorrow,' I tried to explain. Truth was, all I had left was a paper for English which I couldn't bring myself to write knowing very well who would have to edit it. I had always written very personal things and there was only one thing haunting all of my thoughts right now, and I definitely didn't want her to know it. I knew my parents were worried about me, they barely let me out of their sight all weekend after I had finally told them what was wrong. I didn't want to tell anyone at first, because saying it out loud only made it seem more real when all of Friday I was just trying to pretend it had all been a nightmare. But when I told them – that Clare had broken up with me – they were pretty surprised. I explained about Fitz, which only made them more worried, but I promised them I would stay out of his way. When my dad tried to call me out on that promise, I assure him that I told him the truth – I have nothing to say to him, and to be honest, I think that's the safest route to take in regards to Clare as well.

It's not that I don't have feelings for her anymore, because I know I still do, but I just don't think I can face talking to her. It still hurts too much when I remember that all I had been doing was trying to look out for her while that menace is out there roaming the streets at free will, and all I was met with was resistance on her part, and her telling me I was being totally ridiculous. I do not agree that I was being overprotective, because I don't buy Fitz's crap for one second – I'm sure he discovered many things in juvi, but Jesus sure as heck isn't one of them. He used his forgive-me-for-I-have-sinned angle just as I thought he would, and Clare fell right into it.

There was nothing more I could do; I don't regret trying to protect Clare because I was justified in doing so, but now, as she so clearly put it, she is no longer mine to protect and all she wants from me is space. Well, I intended on giving her all the space in the world, because I had tried everything to keep her with me, to keep her safe, and she couldn't run in the other direction fast enough. I didn't want to get into a massive argument that would end in her storming off; that's the last thing I ever want to experience so I calmly dropped her off at home and watched her walk away from me. I felt ashamed and humiliated because I had the feeling that Clare had become scared of me, and because I knew that all she wanted to do was get away from me, I would have to let that happen.

When she continued to go to the Dot and have prolonged contact with Fitz and I couldn't stop her, I knew I had lost her. She was drifting away from me, and soon enough it would be right into Fitz's arms, so I let her go. Maybe this way she could get her beloved space from all of this and hopefully stay away from me too. I told my parents all of these things, and I could see the worry on their faces. I know they are scared of me reverting to the space that I was in after I lost Julia. Clare was such a big part of helping me cope with my loss that now the process was so inextricably linked with her, which only made everything more painful.

As I'm standing here in my newly cleaned room, everything reminds me of Clare – I can see her placing those new photos on the nightstand, hanging up that mirror, organizing those binders…._stop it, you have to stop, I told myself_. I didn't want to head down another dark spiral; I couldn't do that to my parents again after seeing such worry in their eyes all weekend. But as much as I don't want to, I also don't know if I can find the strength in me to be okay again. I'm tired, just so tired…tired of living with the pain of the guilt of causing Julia's death, of having to worry about the safety of Adam and Clare with Fitz around – because as much as I didn't have the right to according to Clare, I still would. I knew I would. I would wonder where she is, whether Fitz would show his true colors today or tomorrow, or maybe the day after that?

I was just so tired of it all, and as much as I loved my parents and wanted to share this with them, I knew it would just about break them, and I couldn't do that to them again. They were just about the two happiest people I knew, what did they do to deserve a kid like me? I was just so tired of it all, of feeling so helpless – what am I supposed to do about Fitz now? I grabbed the assignment outline for my English paper, and the assigned creative writing piece for tomorrow was to write about the factors that determine an individual's identity. Yeah, there was no way my answer to that would be something Clare could read after everything that has happened, so I decided to just go to bed, and also decided I would not be going to school tomorrow. I just couldn't bear it, I needed to get away for the day…away from my room that Clare and I had turned into the space it now is, away from Degrassi and the English classroom where I first fell for her, away from this new neighbourhood that was supposed to make me feel better and only ended up bringing me more pain, away from it all to the one place where I really wanted to be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Adam's POV**

Man, I was so not looking forward to today. When Alli called me on Saturday morning, I was totally fearing a speakerphone screaming match between her and Drew that would take place via my beautiful phone…never in a million years did I expect her to be calling to talk to _me_ about how concerned she was for Clare. And what came next totally shocked me – Eli and Clare were no longer Eli _and_ Clare! I couldn't believe that after all of the emotional investment I put into those guys' relationship, none of them would tell _me_! I knew Clare was not all too pleased about Eli's over-protectiveness as we had talked about it that first time that we found out Fitz was your newest Dot employee, but I didn't think it would lead to a break-up. When I called Eli to try and get him to man up and tell me about it, he groggily answered – obviously he had headed to bed at like 8:00 – and told me that yeah, it was true, he didn't want to talk about it, and that he wouldn't be here today. Knowing Eli, this can't be anything good. I couldn't believe these two, what gives?

So I knew that after Drew's soccer practice (must he be such a jock and play on every sports team the school puts together?) would wrap up, soon everyone would be getting to school aka. It would be Clare show-down time. She couldn't avoid me forever, especially as we had English together this afternoon. I'd like to see her try. I don't like her blind faith in Fitz any more than Alli, and I think Alli is right in thinking Fitz has a thing for her. This whole I-found-Jesus thing? Let's just say I wasn't convinced. I couldn't find Clare before school strangely, nor at lunch, but as she walked into our English classroom with a paper coffee cup in her hand it became quite obvious where she had been. I couldn't believe her, hanging out with that monster. I had this whole speech planned out, but in that moment anger seeped through every vein in my body and I completely understood how Eli felt. When the bell rang and Ms. Dawes asked us to get into partners and edit each other's work, I was afraid I'd lose it, but I tried to keep my cool.

'Clare. Eli's not coming today so let's work together and get this done. Cool?' I asked coldly.

'Of course, Adam. Ummm is there a particular reason Eli won't be coming today?' She inquired.

'Maybe he's discovered his own need for space,' I spat back. Damn, where did that come from? I had to fix this, quick, 'Oh, Clare, I have no idea why I said that, I'm sorry! I really am, I guess I am just a little hurt neither of you told me about your break-up. And then there's the fact that you're spending most of your free time at the Dot with Fitz. I'm sorry, Clare, but I'm with Alli. I don't think getting close to Fitz is a good idea." I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just had to tell her.

'Adam, when have you been talking to Alli?' she stared me down.

'Clare, don't be mad at her. She just called me because I think she's feeling frustrated she can't be here for you on account of the fact that she doesn't go to Degrassi anymore. But please, listen to me and just be careful.' I tried to warn her.

'God, I am so sick of everyone telling me to be careful! You know what Adam, Fitz is a nice guy who is working hard to change his life! Nothing you or Eli seems to be capable of understanding!" Oh no, she didn't _go there_.

'Clare, sometimes being as trustful as you can backfire. All your friends as telling you this and for some reason the only person you seem willing to listen to is Fitz, but hey, maybe you are right here – what do I know about what it takes to change your life and start over again? What would Alli know about trying to make a positive change, leaving everything familiar behind? What would Eli know about trying to move on? God, Clare, thank you for enlightening me. You know what? There's nothing I can do if you refuse to listen to me, so good luck with Fitzy boy – I know all about his apologies and 'starting over' with him. The only thing I regret here is the fact that the _worst _thing that could have happened to Eli did; he shared everything with you and opened up to you in a way I am not sure he did with anyone else, and you responded with the ultimate betrayal. Because you trusting Fitz over Eli is just that Clare. So Eli might have been acting over-protective – but did you ever stop to think what pushed him over the brink was a lack of support from the one person who needed him most? Fitz pulled a knife on him Clare, and as tough as Eli might want you to think he is, that night probably only comes second in absolute terror to April 22nd for him. Forgive me, Clare, but right now I think I'm about to give you your space too…and I need to go find Eli because I bet he's terrified and he needs a friend right now'.

'Well Eli isn't capable of forgiving people – maybe if he did he'd have a few more friends,' Clare snapped back at me after my rant.

'Clare, I hate to break it to you, but Eli has no obligation whatsoever to become friends with Fitz. Eli doesn't even have to forgive Fitz, and it'd be wrong of you to try to control his feelings like that. Open your eyes and realize that Fitz messed with Eli by messing with me and with you – that's when things started to get really bad between the two of them – you should know how important protecting loved ones is for Eli. And that, Clare, is not abnormal as much as you painted it so. Maybe if it was any other guy, yes, it would be weirdly possessive, but you know about Eli's past. You'd think some concessions would be in order.' I couldn't take it anymore and I stormed out of the classroom. Everyone had been staring as our volume during that 'heated talk' got really loud, including Ms. Dawes.

As I was out in the hallway, I heard the click of heels following me, and calling my name. I turned around to see a panic-struck Ms. Dawes, and I instantly felt bad for my little display. Let's just say I knew Ms. Dawes already had her share of Eli and Clare drama.

'Ms. Dawes, I'm so sorry. We bring so much drama to your class and I'm so—'

'Adam, Adam, calm down. That's not why I came to talk to you. I'm worried about Eli after hearing all those things. That boy, Fitz, he is the one that brought that knife to Vegas Night? And now he's here and spending time with Clare? And Mr. Goldsworthy is not in my class today…I don't like this one bit, and I want to help. Eli's writing has always been very personal and I think I know more than you give me credit for. I am not teaching a class next block and I can write you a note to present to the teacher whose class you will be missing." Ms. Dawes said, much to my surprise.

'Ms. Dawes, are you suggesting coming with me? And yes, Fitz is the one that brought that knife. He used to go to the school before he got sent to juvi for what he did. You didn't know him?' I asked, curious because Degrassi wasn't that big and Fitz was pretty infamous when he was here.

'No, I'm afraid not, I guess because he didn't take art or any advanced English or Literature classes," she responded.

'You can count on that, Ms. Dawes," I scoffed.

"Okay, well, there are five minutes until next block Adam - go get your things and meet me by the blue Corolla in the parking lot. We'll be much faster if we drive,' she stated.

All of a sudden I liked this driving plan much more than me running around aimlessly trying to find Eli. I know he wouldn't be home as he wouldn't want to worry his parents; staying home all day in his bed was something that I knew he had done a lot of post-Julia and he mentioned on the phone that his parents had done enough worrying about him in an attempt to get me to back off. I liked this driving plan more also because I had a pretty good idea of where Eli would be right now, and it was on the other side of town. The benefits of the car far outweighed the awkwardness of driving around with Ms. Dawes…man, Eli's gonna owe me one for this - who knows what kind of music Dawes likes.

**Ms. Dawes' POV**

I know that this is not included in a teacher's job description, but I am also a mother, and I can't help but feel concerned about Eli. He is a very intelligent and tough young man, but I know that past that exterior lies a troubled adolescent who I know has had to deal with things no teen ever should be faced with. I can tell from his writing that he has dealt with the worst kind of tragedy and what's worse, he is harbouring some very strong feelings of guilt in regards to this accident. I am well aware that ever since meeting Clare, Eli has begun to open up more and his previously dark writing had modified to show signs of healing; I had my suspicions in partnering them up that their writing would benefit and the two might start a friendship, but the fact that they started a relationship exceeded my expectations. The day that Clare came to me conflicted over their _Romeo and Juliet_ project and admitted she had feelings for Eli, I knew he cared for her as well, but I knew he would have to begin to let go of his past before opening up to Clare.

The amount of emotion in his writing made me doubt the fact that he would be able to make an attempt to move forward at this point, but when I was proved wrong I couldn't be happier. From the front of the classroom, I would often see the loving and caring looks Eli would throw at Clare when she wasn't looking, and I knew he would always do everything in his power to look after her. However, after the little display that Clare and Adam put on in my classroom just a few minutes ago, it seems Eli's desire to protect her was just the thing that broke their relationship. Although, I must admit, if that Fitz kid was involved in all of this, I agree with Adam; Clare Edwards has always had a tendency to be trusting yet stubborn, and Eli was very stubborn himself. It's the _Romeo and Juliet_ project problem all over again, except this time everything was much more serious; even right down to the involvement of the young man who I could now impatiently see waiting besides my car. I asked him to get in and let him choose the radio station, guessing Adam Torres wouldn't exactly be a fan of country music. I also have as much of a soft spot for Adam as I do for Eli and for Clare; I know Adam has also had to deal with so much judgement in his very young life.

'Adam, you know you are a truly exceptional friend. To two teens who I know don't always make it easy," I said above the rock music Adam selected.

'Thanks, Ms. Dawes, but Eli and Clare have made so many things easy for me in return. I just wish that sometimes they could both just…open their eyes and get past each other's stubbornness. And on top of the obstacles they sometimes create for themselves, there are always other things getting in their way too, you know? It doesn't seem fair that they always have to deal with these outside factors" Adam said.

'Oh, Adam, Eli and Clare are so young…they will have to deal with all of the things that life throws their way if they are to make it through. It helps having such a great friend like you, though. Now, should I be getting on the 401?" I asked, remembering I did not exactly know where we were heading, but knowing that if it was the place I suspected, it would mean a trip to the other side of Toronto.

'Yes, I will let you know when to get off. Umm…Ms. Dawes?' Adam hesitantly asked.

'Yes, Adam?'

'I think Eli is probably at Riverside cemetery. I…would tell you more, but it wouldn't feel right without Eli's permission. I hope that's okay,' Adam slowly said.

'Adam, please don't worry, it's fine. I will drive there and wait for you as long as it takes. I just want to know Eli is okay,' I explained.

'Thanks, Ms. Dawes. You are definitely the baddest teacher around. Seriously,' he said.

' Why thank you, Adam.' I said with a smile.

About 25 minutes later, we had arrived. Adam told me he had been here once before with Eli so he knew where Eli would be. I simply told him I would be waiting for whenever him and Eli would be ready. I tried to look for Eli's car but if there was one place that car would fit in, this was it. I saw Adam do the same, but as he knew it much better he was able to point out a vintage hearse with happy face air fresheners. I let out a sigh of relief now that we at least knew where he was. I grimaced thinking of the turmoil must be going through, however.

**Eli's POV**

I made my way through the familiar cemetery to the spot right under a big beautiful cherry tree, and I can remember telling Julia's parents this was the spot they should choose as if it was yesterday; Julia may have had a tough exterior but on the inside she was very much a creative, beautiful teenage girl, loving the beauty all around her with such passion. It was one of the things I loved most about her. As I remembered how much she'd love walking down the smaller avenues in Toronto as opposed to the main streets when the cherry blossoms were out, because the small streets were the only places you could find the trees planted, tears started stinging my eyes. I felt guilty admitting to myself that in the months I spent with Clare and she would tell me Julia's death wasn't my fault, I almost wanted to believe it so badly. Almost. But now that I am here and thinking more lucidly, I can't believe I ever came close to thinking so. If we hadn't gotten into that fight that day, she would still be here right now. I kneeled beside her headstone…

_I miss you so much, Jules. So much that it physically hurts. How did things get so bad? How is it that I am standing here without you, so upset about something that doesn't even involve you? What would you tell me right now, Jules? You always understood me so well. I miss you and I'm scared I can't make it without you. I'm so tired, Jules. I don't have your energy here with me anymore; I can't be uplifted by you sharing a good book or a great song with me. _Tears were rapidly flowing down my face at this point. _How am I expected to carry on knowing you're not here because of me? You would have done so many good things, Jules. I screw everything up. I don't want to talk or to think about her. I know I talked to you about her many times, Jules, but I need to forget her. I don't know where to go from here, Jules. I want so badly just to go to bed and wake up to realize that this has all been a nightmare and that you're still here with me. Your laugh, Jules – I'd give anything to hear your laugh again. It's the only thing that could take this exhaustion away._ I lied down on the somewhat grass on the other side of the tombstone, and tried to imagine I was at home in my bed, Julia just opposite of me, on the left side. Her side was always the left. _I'll lie with you a while, Jules. I'm just so tired…without you here, tired and…alone. I'm all alone here, Jules. _

'You, my friend, are not alone, but nice try,' I heard a voice behind me say, cracking at the end.

I turned around in surprise, and saw…Adam. How did he get here, he's supposed to be at school. Damn it, this kid just won't quit. I didn't say anything but I got up to sit cross-legged and Adam did the same, sitting next to me.

**Adam's POV**

'Eli…I'm sorry if you wanted to be alone, but I needed you, man.' Okay, so maybe that wasn't entirely truthful, but on second thought…maybe it was – I needed to know Eli was okay as much as I needed Eli to actually be okay.

'Dude, what happened? Did you get in touch with your little lady or did you run into—' Eli said with a look of worry flashing across his face. I interrupted him before he could say that name – it had infiltrated into our lives enough.

'No man, it's not anything like that. Fiona isn't allowed to make any calls from the centre…not that I think she'd call me anyway,' I admitted.

'I don't think she'll call either – I think she'll want to make it alright in person. In fact, I know she will,' Eli assured me. Even when he was at this lowest – I heard the end of his talk to Julia – Eli was still worried about others. Typical. Not crazy, nor overprotective, just typical Eli.

'Thanks man, we'll see what happens in a month. But no, I just wanted you at school with me. Not for any particular reason. I wanted us to chill, attempt to get some work done, check out the new issue of the _The Goon_ afterschool, you know, the usual? I need you there to do the usual with me, Eli,' I said, trying to hint at what I couldn't find the words to say. All this talk about him being tired – and the corresponding sleeping all of the time – had me worried. I hoped he wouldn't try anything because Clare had been sucked in by what was most likely a charade on Fitz's part. He needed to know I needed him here. We all did – me, his parents, Sav and Peter who we'd been jamming with lately, heck, even Ms. Dawes, who freaking drove me here.

'I'm not going anywhere, Adam." He sighed and repeated the same words he said to me right before we fought with Fitz, and I needed to hear them even more than I did back then. But whereas the first time he said those words to me there was strength and determination in his eyes, now there was a sadness and a distance that I did not like. It was almost as if unlike the first time he said those words, when I knew for sure he meant to be with me taking on Fitz, this time he was almost wishing he could be somewhere else. With Julia, most likely. He interrupted my thoughts by proposing we head off to pick up that issue of _The Goon_ now. I quickly agreed and after he said a quick goodbye to Julia and promised he'd be back soon we started to walk towards the parking lot.

'Dude, how did you even get all the way out here?' Eli asked. Oh right – time for him to see I'd brought along the teacher whose class he's just skipped. And just on cue, Ms. Dawes stepped out of her car, and I saw Eli's eyes widen.

'Dude, she offered to drive me, I swear she's cooler than even we thought. She was worried, Eli, we both were,' I tried to explain quickly, but I realized Eli didn't seem angry.

'Well, I'm not going to pretend it's not weird…detention's coming my way for sure, I just didn't think Ms. Dawes would come make sure I'd get the message in person. I'm kidding, dude. Thank you.' Eli said solemnly.

'Anytime, man.' I responded.

'Hi Eli, it's nice to see you,' Ms. Dawes said with a sad smile.

'Ms. Dawes, I'm really sorry about skipping class today. I just…' Eli was quickly interrupted by Ms. Dawes.

'Eli, please, it's alright. I'm just glad you are fine and that Adam is no longer screaming in my classroom," she said, waving her hand as if to signify that the conversation was over. 'You can also forget that assignment that was due today – you can hand me in a book review of whatever novel you like, alright?' she threw in.

'I really appreciate that, Ms. Dawes. Thank you. I promise this won't happen again – it was sort of like a bad relapse on my part, that's all,' Eli said, with a painful look of shame in his eyes.

'It's quite fine, Eli. I understand. I…' Ms. Dawes hesitated and no matter how much she tried to hold them back, two tears flowed from her face as she continued '…lost my husband of ten years just last year. I'm not trying to make any comparisons, but I think I understand a little bit of what you are going through' she finally finished. This was a surprise to both of us, and as she made sure that Eli and I were driving back together, she said her goodbyes and headed out towards the cemetery herself. We got in Morty and noticed that a few minutes later, she was sitting down by a headstone herself.

Eli and I just watched her in silence, and I tried to hide my tears as he did the same – neither of us knew much about Ms. Dawes' personal life, but on her desk she had a picture of herself with whom we all assumed was her husband and daughter. A few minutes later Eli started the car and I turned the radio on. The familiar landscape of Queen's Street came into view and I hoped Eli would find his way back to me, his parents, and our friends soon. Because it sure seemed that isn't where he was anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

**Clare's POV**

It's been two months since my confrontation with Adam in English class and sadly, we haven't talked much since then. I wanted to apologize and the things he said were always in the back of my mind, but I never bring myself to do it. I wanted my space and I think I had the right to do that.

I was also surprised to see that Ms. Dawes didn't assign any more partner work or group projects in English. This was a bit odd as we had previously worked consistently with at least one other person, and when someone asked about it, Ms. Dawes said she was just changing the class structure and that we would be doing more individual work until the end of the school year. This was fine by me, although I could swear I saw her looking at Eli sadly as she said this. I knew Ms. Dawes was a smart lady who knew about me and Eli's past, and I mostly had myself to thank for that, but I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous at the smile she gave Eli. Why shouldn't she smile at me just as well? Maybe she began hating me because my grades have been slipping.

As much as I wanted to blame this on the fact that I have been distracted lately, part of me knew that with Eli's help I would probably be a much better student. I've been spending more and more time with Fitz, in fact I eat lunch at the Dot every weekday now, but every time I bring up schoolwork and English especially, Fitz doesn't seem that interested and he changes the subject. What was bothering me was that in the beginning of our hang out sessions, he did seem interested. But now, I can't ever imagine doing something like going an author reading with him. I can however, say that Alli and Adam were probably right – he was definitely showing me signs that he was into me. We've been to the movies a couple of times, and I could just tell. We would also go to church together, and that was something I could never imagine doing with Eli, _that's for sure_.

Not that I was keeping score, or anything. Not that if I were to be perfectly honest with myself, I would admit that I missed reading books with Eli and sharing what we thought the author was trying to comment on, or heading to movies that we both seemed to want to see, or talking about colleges and their programs, or that I couldn't bring myself to listen to my dad and sign up for _Young Drivers_ because it reminded me too much of Eli's lessons, or that I missed the way he knew exactly what to say when my parents' arguments got to me. Because as well as the house arrangement had been working, my dad introduced me to his new girlfriend yesterday. Part of me couldn't believe it, just when I had finally become okay with the whole divorce thing and we seemed to be striking a balance, this happened. It just seemed like now my dad was going to start a completely new life. I wanted so badly to ask him if he was serious about her. Did he want to have kids with her? I wanted so much for these questions to be able to make their way out into the real world, but instead they only existed in my mind.

Not that I would admit any of this to myself, but what hurt the most was when I finally told Fitz about it and was met with the following response: 'Well, there's nothing you can do about that. You know what your problem is, Clare, is that you make other people's problems' your own too much'. In that moment, it was like my mind and body played a trick on me and I was instantly transported back to the moment in the hallway at Degrassi where Eli assured me he wasn't going anywhere and he wrapped me in the most comforting hug I have ever received in my life. _Had I made a mistake?_ Ever since breaking up, Eli had completely followed my request for space. Whenever we met in the hallway he smiled and said hi, but that was it. I never tried to take things further, either, because I felt I didn't really have the right to. I saw him spend all of his free time at lunch at his locker with Adam, and on a few occasions I guess Ms. Dawes let them use her room at lunch because they would be in there sometimes as well. He looked…at peace, and I didn't want to disturb that. So we never talked.

And not that I would admit it to myself, but _I missed him_. The realization hit me like a tidal wave until I couldn't ignore it anymore. While Eli had been bringing me out of my shell, the time I was spending with Fitz was beginning to feel like someone was drawing me back into a different shell. Fitz and I had our 'spiritual connection' as he referred to it, in common, but…was that it? And would that be enough? My thoughts were interrupted as Peter happily slid in the seat across from me. Fitz was supposed to be here today, but for some reason he hadn't shown up. I checked my phone but there were no messages or voicemails.

'Baby Edwards! How have you been? Bummer to hear that you and Eli called it quits, that dude was cool.' He said. Great. Right on topic there Peter.

'How do you know about that, Peter?' I was curious to find out.

'Oh, he chills with my man Sav so a few times when I was over there trying to convince Sav to come to U of T next year we hung out. Eli didn't mention it though, it was Sav who told me it happened and that I shouldn't say anything about it to Eli. But come to think of it, I haven't actually seen Eli come around in a couple of months. But you're alright about the whole break-up deal, right? I heard it was initiated by you, so, obviously you're all right, no?' Peter asked.

'Yeah, no need to worry Peter. I'm alright.' I said, probably unconvincingly. 'So, you're working here now?' I asked, wanting to get off this topic.

'Sure am, just picking up a couple of shifts here and there…trying to do some traveling this summer so every little bit helps. How is Darcy?' Peter asked, hesitating a bit with his question.

'She is doing well, Peter. I can tell she misses you though. You should write her an email; she was mentioning how she might be doing some traveling of her own as she will be getting two weeks off in the summer. Maybe you guys could meet halfway in Europe or something like that,' I casually suggested, knowing how much Darcy would like that.

'That would be amazing, Clare. Thanks. I will definitely take you up on that suggestion,' Peter said, with a big smile on his face. I knew it. 'Looks like I just earned the motivation to pick up even a few more shifts here. Wonder if they'd be up for that…' Peter looked thoughtful as I realized this boy needs everything spelled out for him.

'Well, you should ask Fitz to talk to Father Greg, I think he maybe has some pull in this place and he could help you out,' I told him as a look of confusion crossed his face.

'Umm, no offense Clare, but I don't think whoever Father Greg is could help me out with working out my shifts at the Dot. That isn't really how it's done. Who is he anyway? That is not the minister I met that time that I went to church with you and Darcy.' Peter asked.

'You know, Father Greg…' I said again, obviously to no avail. 'He's the one that got Fitz the job here…through the placement program at the juvi hall,' I explained, but Peter just looked more and more confused.

'Again, Clare, sorry but whoever this Father Greg might be, he definitely has no connection to the Dot, trust me, I've been here practically forever. Nah, I need to talk to my man Harold, the owner, who first took Spin on and then helped me open Above the Dot. And a work placement program from juvi? How on earth would that be a good idea, there's high school girls crawling around this place 24/7…whatever Fitz told you, that sure isn't how he got this gig. And between you and me, a buddy of mine had to spend some time in juvi for dealing…ehh..some substances on campus and I doubt there's a religious program in there. Sounds like Fitz has been pulling your leg. Don't believe everything that guy says…shouldn't he be in school, by the way? He looks a little young to be in university, and if he does, the dude never seems to go to class,' Peter said, shrugging his shoulders. 'Anyway, I gotta get back to work before Harold fires me, you know?' and just like that Peter, was off.

_Oh my God_. How was this possible? Could it be…that this whole time, Fitz was acting? _No, no, he changed, Clare, he apologized_. He may have changed and apologized, but Peter wouldn't lie. That I knew for a fact. There was no Father Greg? All of a sudden, all of Alli and Adam's warnings were swimming through my head. And where was Fitz? I decided I wasn't going to sit around and wait for him any longer. He'd sure have to explain this. I debated going to his house, but Adam and Alli's voices in my mind coupled with Peter's shocked face at imaging a Father Greg-fun work placement program in connection with the Dot prevented me from doing that. I needed just a night for myself today.

I was going to pick up a new novel to keep myself distracted. I entered _Chapters_ and made my selection when I swear I saw Cece and Bullfrog in the next section. Cece was holding up an AC/DC biography to Bullfrog as he shook his head. She sighed sadly – I could tell she was frustrated – and Bullfrog immediately came up to her and hugged her and kissed the top of her forehead. I had always loved what they had and remembered many times when I wondered if I would have the same thing in the future with…

'Eli wouldn't like that one, not enough direct anecdotes from the band members,' Bullfrog said. 'But don't worry sweetie, we'll find something. We always do,' Bullfrog explained. Was it Eli's birthday? No, that was in August. It sure seemed like they were shopping for a present for him, and I was curious as to what the occasion might be when Cece spoke up.

'That's just it, hon. What happens when we don't find something? To be honest, we can try to find as many pleasant distractions for him, but we can both see right through the fake happiness he is putting on for us. I love the boy to pieces, but it kills me to see him try to hide his hurt from us. What if he goes back to the way he was right after Julia's death? I can't watch him go through that, I just can't…' Cece's tears prevented her from going further.

'Baby, he's strong. You know he is. He can get through this. I hate the thought that that kid is out there after what he did, and that Eli could run into him at any turn. I know Eli thinks of that, I mean, how could he not? But we can only control so much, right? That's kind of what drove Eli to this point, not realizing he can't control everything all the time. Does he realize that now? Well, if what he told me last night about not talking to Clare since they broke up is the truth, then I'd say that yes, he did learn that. I just hate that he's had to suffer through so much and he's so young. That's our boy; he goes all in in everything he does. I worry because as much as he says he's fine and as much as I know he likes spending time by himself, I think there's more going on there. It can't be easy seeing her every day in those school hallways. But he's strong. He'll make it through this." Bullfrog said as he comforted Cece, running his fingers through her smooth blond hair.

On the other side of the bookshelves, Clare's eyes were filled with tears. _This_ is what was going on at the Goldsworthy house? Was Eli putting on a mask of bravery at school when inside he was really hurting? All because of her? Clare was immediately consumed by guilt and she felt suffocated in the store. She wandered to the top floor aimlessly and then proceeded to the checkout, paying for her book and rushing to get out of there. She needed to think, to analyze the situation as Alli would say, teasingly. Just as she was heading out the doors though, she bumped into someone, dropping her bag.

The man picked it up for her, and said, 'Sorry darling, my mistake. Are you all right?' Clare would have recognized that voice anywhere. Actually, so would have over half of Toronto.

Of course she would bump into Bullfrog on her way out, just her luck. 'Oh, Clare,' he said, surprised. She flinched instinctively, as Bullfrog had affectionately called her Clarabelle ever since meeting her.

'Are you alright? I'm so sorry, I should have been paying attention' he asked, his voice laced with concern.

'I'm..f..fi…fine thank you,' she stammered. Cece also apologized and then mentioned how they should get going. Clare wanted nothing more right then and there than to cry and hug them both and tell them over and over again how sorry she was and how now she realized she may have made a huge mistake, one that she wasn't sure she could fix. But all she could do was pick up the book that fell out of Bullfrog's shopping bag. She noticed it was the new Chuck Palahniuk book, and more to herself than to Eli's parents, she said "He'll love it. Good choice," before tears invaded her eyes.

In that moment Clare's tears ripped through Cece's defenses as she slowly stepped towards Clare and told her 'Thank you, sweetie. Are you alright? Now, why are you crying, love?'.

'I'm fine, Mrs. Goldsworthy, really I am,' Clare insisted, but the tears just wouldn't stop as she stood there with the funny and witty Goldsworthys, wishing for nothing more than for the circumstances to be different and for Eli to be there too, all of them shopping and talking together, as far away from Fitz' lies and her own insecurities as possible.

'I thought we established that no more Mrs. Goldsworthy nonsense a long time ago. I don't see my mother in law around anywhere. Let us drive you home, alright darling? Okay, it's settled then,' Cece said, not allowing me to pause for an answer. She took my hand and led me to their MGB.

As I sat in the backseat, all I could think of was how the last time I was here the seat next to me wasn't empty, but occupied by a very excited and slightly nervous Eli as we were going out to dinner with Cece and Bullfrog as he had secured an interview with a really big band. The same question popped in my mind for the millionth time today, where had things gone so wrong? I knew what Alli would say…it all traces back to Fitz – and she would be right. I knew that I had hurt Eli possibly beyond repair – I wounded his pride in making him feel like some type of freak, and I knew I didn't deserve him back. But what I could fix were, like Bullfrog had said earlier, the things that were in my control. I no longer wished to be associated with Fitz on any level - he had lied to me. I've always been taught not to hate and to forgive, but I am quite capable of drawing boundaries, thank you, and I no longer had anything to say to Fitz. I now know exactly how Eli felt when he said that. As Bullfrog pulled up to my house, I managed to gather up the strength to squeak out 'Thank you so much for the ride home and…I'm sorry.' before I ran out, tears falling down my face.

**Cece's POV**

'So…what do you think that was all about," I asked Bullfrog.

'I wish I knew…it might not have anything to do with Eli, you know," he said.

'I know that…but my mother's intuition tells me differently. You know I really liked Clare when she was with Eli, but…I am not sure I ever really knew her - what she did just doesn't line up with the girl Eli described. You don't think she's in some sort of trouble with that other boy, do you?' I needed a second opinion on this.

'Honey, by what we know about that boy…who knows? It's possible. But there's nothing we can do about it. She's not our child. Heck, she doesn't even talk to our child anymore.' Bullfrog said.

'I know that. But she _is _someone's child, and if she is some kind of trouble someone should know,' I told my husband, picturing Helen Edwards in my mind as I spoke.


	5. Chapter 5

**Eli's POV**

'Hi guys. Back so soon?' I asked my parents as they walked in through the front door.

'Yes, just a quick trip to the record store…and on our way back we picked something up we think you'd like,' she said, reaching into her shopping bag and holding out the newest Palahniuk novel for me.

Of course this was good news to me, so I told my mom and dad 'This is great…been meaning to pick this up for a while now. In fact, I think I'll head upstairs and get started on it right away.'

Guilt consumed me again however, as I was pretty sure my parents knew just well as I did that I was just looking to be by myself. I did want to read the novel of course – just because Clare broke up with me doesn't mean I broke up with Palahniuk, but it was impossible to look at that cover and read his writing and now imagine him, in person, the last time I saw him, on my first official date with her, during happier times.

I reached my room and just curled up in my bed, hoping I could see Julia in my dreams tonight. But deep down inside, I knew that no matter how hard I wished for that to happen, it simply wouldn't – I've been wishing for that every night for the past two months and it's never happened. It would make me feel better if I could just imagine her, as imaginary as dreams are…but it seems I can't even have that tiny level of consolation.

**Cece's POV**

After preparing dinner and calling Eli down about five times, I decided to head to his room to get him, hoping he was just listening to music using his headphones and that he wouldn't be sleeping. But much to my disappointment, he was. As much as every day I tried to recall the conversations we'd have, pleasant as they were, I knew that Eli was only putting on an act for me and Bullfrog's sake – and as much as he tried to hide it, the extended sleeping sessions felt like a complete return to the weeks immediately following Julia's death. I sat down on the bed next to him and wrapped a blanket around him, hugging him lightly as I lay down next to him. His back was turned to me, and I slowly whispered my thoughts aloud, 'Baby boy, you can't keep doing this…'

Much to my surprise, he responded, 'I know, mom. I'm sorry…I wish I could be stronger right now, I really do. School is over in one month though, and I was thinking…maybe I could transfer schools again next year…I mean, I have Morty and if we fill out a cross-boundary application form now, it wouldn't even have to be to a high school that far away from our house. It just wouldn't be…Degrassi.' he said, and he just looked so sad and weak that I couldn't show my surprise and disappointment at this question.

All I could say to that was, 'We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, Eli. If you really want to…of course. But you can't keep doing that every time a difficult situation comes up.'

'I know, mom, I know…' he said, and turned around to face me. Just as that moment Bullfrog entered the room and sat down on the bed next to us as well. Eli and his dad shared a special connection but serious conversations weren't really Bullfrog's thing, and often he would skirt around the issues using humour, so I didn't know how he'd handle this. I wondered how much of our conversation he had heard.

**Bullfrog's POV**

I headed towards Eli's room to look for Cece, but as I stood in the doorframe I could hear their entire conversation. It killed me to see them both so sad, and I wish I could heal them both instantly, take away both of their hurt. I meant every single word of my vows to my beautiful wife, and when we had Eli, I promised myself I'd do everything in my power to protect him and never let anyone hurt him or break his heart. When did things get so bad? Had I failed as a father with him? What happened to Julia was a terrible tragedy that no one should have to go through, especially not a fourteen year old boy. And those stupid bullies always making life so hard for him – that's what angered me the most. As for Clarabelle, as much as I wanted to harbour anger to her, I couldn't really. I know Eli is suffering so much because of their break-up, but break-ups are something he is going to have to learn to deal with as I'm afraid he will be faced with a few more of those.

Julia's death or bullies I couldn't protect him from – but break-ups I knew about, and I could try to fix this. I would have to try to fix this, because it's been so long and Eli only seems to be getting worse. I suspect it was because it was his first relationship since Julia. I realize my son couldn't be the easiest person to date, because he is not your typical fifteen year old. But I also knew how loyal and considerate Eli was as a person, and in his relationships with his friends, and I could help him get through this. Thing is, I've never been one for translating my feelings into words. The only time I really feel I did that well was when I wrote down those wedding vows. But looking at Cece and Eli laying here on the bed as I sat down at the other end, I knew I owed it to the two people in my life that I cared most about to try.

'Hey, guys,' I awkwardly started, 'I don't mean to interrupt, but Eli, son, I just wanted to say, that if that's what you want of course we can do it. Do you think it's such a good idea to transfer with just grade 12 left ahead though?' I asked him.

'When I'd apply to universities I would just have to send them three different transcripts from all my schools, that's all. I think my grades would stay about the same though, dad. It's all the same material all across Ontario anyway,' he stated.

'Alright son, I'll ask about this whole cross-boundary application thing at parent teacher conferences tonight then. I'll ask that nice English teacher to get me one, just in case. ' I agreed. 'I hope you decide against it, though. You have some good friends and teachers at Degrassi. You won't miss Adam? Or Sav,' I pushed.

'Sav is starting at U of T next year anyway, he's a year older than me. And Adam and I would still hang out obviously,' Eli was saying, but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me.

'Okay, Eli. Cece, do you think you could make some of that amazing lemonade you made last week again for dinner?' I asked, hoping she would take my hint and not actually feel forced to make something. I was never one to demand things from my wife. I think my plan worked though, as she said of course and got up from the bed, gratefulness and hopefulness sketched across her face.

'You know, son, when your mom and I were in university, we had a class together first year,' I started.

'I didn't know that specifically, but I did know you met while at U of T,' Eli said.

'Yep, a first year English course on narrative structures – I only chose that one because in its description in the course calendar it mentioned there would be a section on radio and TV. Anyway, she was just as beautiful back then as she is now, and it just so happened she was always a minute late coming to class. Now, in all my other classes, the profs didn't seem to care about that, but this one called her out on it, and she explained it was because the class she had before English 110 was at the other end of campus. He said he understood and that was the end of it, but I made sure after that day to always sit two seats away from the back door, saving the seat right next to the door for her. She was so pleasantly surprised the first time I did it, that we started talking – nothing major, just in the few minutes before and after class. I was too scared she might say no to a date, heck, I didn't even attempt to find out if she had a boyfriend. You see, back in those days we didn't have FaceRange,' I went on.

'Real brave, dad'. Eli rightly pointed out.

'Well, as much as I'd like to tell you some bad-ass story, this is the truth. Anyway, one day I finally got the nerve to tell her about an event the campus radio station was putting on, and as she listened patiently I decided to ask her to come and she accepted. We had a lovely time, but nothing more came of it and a few weeks later our semester was over. I didn't see her again until my fourth year,' I continued.

'Seriously?' Eli looked surprised.

'Yeah – she came to another radio station event and came up to me and asked me if I remembered her from first-year English. I told her I obviously did, and it was a shame we had different majors as we never shared another class again – but I wasn't about to miss a second chance so I just asked her out on date, and it was only after that that we started dating regularly and she became my girlfriend and then well, you know the rest.' I continued.

'I can't believe that, I always thought you guys had dated all throughout college.' He said, grabbing his laptop from the bedside table, and he laid down he said 'I appreciate the story, dad, but Clare's not going to talk to me again, dad.'

'Now, you see, that wasn't the point of my story. I don't know if Clare's not gonna talk to you again, she probably doesn't even know that – but I what I do know is that you can't carry on like this. Things will change, Eli. That's the thing - they always do,' I tried to start.

'Not for me, dad. For me they just seem to go from bad to worse – and I'm never going to forget about Julia, you know that. It wouldn't be right to. I don't _want_ to. Maybe I rushed into things with Clare, I admit, but now it's like I'm stuck in a book of memories with her - no matter how many pages I turn, line after line, she's there again. It never ends for me, although it has clearly ended for her. If I go to a new school, I won't be making the same mistake twice,' Eli softly said.

'And what mistake was that, son?'

'It's not necessary for me to get so close to people,' he stated.

'Just what does that mean?,' I did not like where this was going.

'Well, at a new school, I could just…do my own thing. Stay under the radar until graduation,' Eli explained.

I knew this feeling. But I had to explain, 'Eli, everyone feels like that at some point. I'm not sure moving schools is the answer this time. You've got friends there, and I think they'd really miss you. Video game kid especially,' I argued. 'Just promise me you'll think about it'.

'Okay, dad, I will. I'll be down in a minute,' he said.

I headed downstairs; I also needed to make sure my girl was alright.

**Eli's POV**

As I made my way down the stairs, I couldn't help but feel I was being so pathetic. Break-ups happen all the time, especially in high school. I should be able to deal. I thought me and Clare had something more than just a high school relationship, but I might have been wrong on that. If Fitz is able to waltz in with his Jesus act and mess things up so badly, who knows what we had. I was just about to enter the dining room when I saw my dad pull my mom in for a hug. She was crying, and this instantly threw me off. My mom was such a peppy person that it didn't happen much. She worried a lot, but never cried. The last time I had even seen her cry was in the week following Julia's death. I felt bad eavesdropping on their conversation, but I could hear they were talking about me. I knew that I hadn't been open with them about the whole Clare thing, but I did not want to worry them, nor did I really want anyone to know just how much it had affected me…I was ashamed to.

'I would hate for him to move schools again. Would that mean we're condoning him running away from his problems? I know that after we lost Julia it was our suggestion to have him leave school, and I think in that case it was the right one. It was torture for him to be there,' my mom was saying.

'I know, that was definitely the right move. But now maybe Degrassi is torture for him too,' dad said.

'This is different. What if it happens again? What happens when idiot bullies pick on him again? What about if things don't work out with another girl,' my mom looked like she was flat out panicking now, and I winced at the thought of another girl. So not happening. It was at this moment that I knew that this, all of this, had to end. I had to put an end to it. I hate the words 'move on,' but for the good of everyone around me, I needed this to change.

'Mom, dad,' I said as I walked in, 'I'm sorry. I'm not going to leave Degrassi, and I am going to get better. I promise,' and I meant every word of that.

'Oh baby boy,' my mom sighed, 'you don't have to apologize to us for anything. You didn't do anything wrong, I just hate that you thought you had to hide your sadness and hurt from us' she said.

'I just didn't want you to worry, that's all. And I thought I could…I don't know, get over it quicker. I know it's been a while now, I do.' I told them honestly.

'Well, then let's talk,' my dad said. 'What is it that won't allow you to do so? It is the fact that you always have to see Clare at school? Or is it…something else?' he asked.

'Seeing her everyday definitely doesn't make it easier. But I think what it really is…it's…' I hesitated, having difficulty putting my thoughts into words.

'Take your time, baby boy. Whatever it is, we can get through it together,' my mom encouraged me.

'I still…worry about her. I need to ask you guys something,' I took a long pause. 'Do you think…that there's something wrong with me? Clare told me I was suffocating her and she made me feel like some type of freak…but how could I not worry about her? She fell right into Fitz's trap,' I winced when I had to say his name.

'Look at me,' my dad said sternly. 'There is _nothing_ wrong with you. There is _nothing_ wrong with wanting to protect the ones you love. When your mother and I got married, we had to write our own vows, and you know that, unlike my talented son who is the best writer I know, I have a hard time with words. But the first line of my vows was "I swear to always stand by you and protect you"…and as soon as I had that down on paper, everything else just flowed. Things haven't been easy for you Eli – with Julia, and this boy Fitz making everything a living hell – and through all of that, all you wanted was to do the right thing by Clare. When people are angry, they always say things so harshly – maybe that's what was going on with Clare. Either way, there's _nothing_ wrong with you, my boy. You go all in in everything you do –maybe it's that writer's personality, but I don't ever want to hear you say that again,' he told me.

My mom had tears in her eyes as she said 'You father is absolutely right, Eli. You've been through so much and you can't expect those events not to leave a mark on you. But you are an exceptional boy who anyone would be lucky to have in their life. The way you care for others so strongly reminds me of only one other man I've known in my life, the most amazing man in my life actually – your dad, who amazingly still remembers the first line of his wedding vows,' she said, casting a glance at my dad.

'Thank you. I hope you're right. But I promise, things are going to change.' I said, and we finally sat down to dinner. I made a promise to my parents that I meant to keep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Clare's POV**

Talking to Peter and seeing Eli's parents after served as the huge wake-up call I needed. I can't believe Fitz lied to me, just like everyone warned me he would. That was it, I was so done with him and his ranting about our 'spiritual connection'. Trusting him had been a mistake, one that planted the seed of doubt into me and Eli's relationship. _Eli_.

I missed him. I had gotten exactly what I wanted, space from him, and I missed him. I missed the way he would care about lit so passionately, the way he actually cared about my writing, the way he comforted me when the situation with my parents seemed so out of control, the way he'd look out for Adam, and the way he was always there for me.

But I did even deserve to speak to him now? I know I had hurt him with all I had done. I know towards the end, he didn't want to fight with me, so after all of those times that he walked in on Fitz and I talking, he would simply say 'It's okay' to avoid an argument. He had told Fitz to back off once, but he knew we'd be over if he pushed it further than that, so he didn't. He did everything I asked for, but in the end I left him. After promising I'd always be there for him. For what? For Fitz' lies. I didn't know if I had the right to try to make things right with Eli, but I sure knew I had the right to tell Fitz off. I wanted to go to bed tonight at peace, thinking about how maybe, just maybe, I could apologize to Eli. I didn't expect him to forgive me right away, as Eli was still Eli, and to be honest, I couldn't ask him to do that right away.

'Fitz,' I said as I approached him. He was standing behind the counter, laying out some pastries.

'Hey Clare, nice to see you so early, beautiful,' he replied, with a smile on his face.

'Do not call me that. I know.' I told him.

'Know what? That you are beautiful? Of course you do, but I just can't help telling you every time. In fact, just picturing your beautiful face is what got me through juvi' He insisted.

'Wipe that image clean and never let it enter your head again. I meant I know that there's no Father Greg, no reformation on your part. I know that all this was some some scheme to earn my trust when that is the last thing you deserved after the stunt you pulled at Vegas night or the way you treated Adam.' I yelled at him.

'Clare, where is this coming from? I have changed, all of it is true. You can meet Father Greg if you like,' he said, looking confused.

'Yeah, sure, while I'm at it, I can ask him if he can help Peter out by getting him some extra shift here,' I snapped.

Fitz looked down. 'Okay, so I lied about Father Greg having a connection with the Dot. But I had to, or you never would have trusted me enough to talk to me, and I had to get you to talk to me to tell you Eli was bad news. And now you know that, and our special connection is even deeper than before. I'm sorry I lied, but you see…it was just a necessary step in our union,' he said, coming away from behind the counter and getting closer to me.

'Back off,' I yelled at him. 'I don't care, you lied to me. I don't want to ever talk to you again. Stay away from me or I will call the police. I'm serious. Don't you ever dare interfere in my life again,' I told him, and walked out the door.

Tomorrow, I would see Eli. _My_ Eli.


	7. Chapter 7

**Clare's POV**

Walking into English class, I felt free. Free of all my guilt and ready to make this right. I knew I'd have to start off slow with Eli though, I had really hurt him. At the worst possible time, and in the worst possible way. This is why I needed to make things right.

**Eli's POV**

Walking into English class, I felt like I needed my strength more than ever. I made a promise to my parents, and I knew Adam was worried as well, despite the fact that he was respecting my wishes to not talk about stuff, like the amazing friend he was. I could do this. The Clare and Fitz union had hurt me like nothing else, but it was time to focus on something of my own for a while. And for me, that has always been reading and writing. Hope Ms. Dawes has something interesting for us to do today.

**Adam's POV**

Walking into English class, there was nothing I wanted more than for Eli and Clare to talk to each other again. I hadn't talked to Clare much myself lately, but I knew this was slowly killing all of them. And by extension, me. I swear, I should sue these two for causing me emotional stress. Then I'd use the money to take us all to California or Florida, or someplace sunny where we could just chill and be fun-loving teenagers for a while. God knows we need it.

**Clare's POV**

Ms. Dawes walked up to the front of the classroom to let us know what we would be doing for the day.

'Good morning class. First off, some announcements. I will be holding a review sessions as exams are approaching – we will do that next Monday so please bring all your notes. Secondly, if you would like to be considered for next year's Senior Advanced English class, please let me know in the next few days or so. I will also be teaching Literature 12 next year – it's definitely possible to take both, just write one in as an elective on the course selection forms you will be filling out with your counsellors next year. I think you should all continue in Advanced English next year as you have all done excellent work this year, and some of you would benefit from both – Lit 12 is great preparation for university. And lastly, congratulations are in order to one member of our class – Mr. Goldsworthy, your story "Stalker Angel" won the gothic story contest! Just got the good news myself in this letter this morning,' she said, passing an envelope to Eli.

'That's great news…thanks Ms. Dawes,' Eli said, but something about his reaction was off. I knew how hard he had worked on the story, and how excited he was for the contest, but he didn't seem so excited or happy about winning. It was like he was pretending to be really excited just for Ms. Dawes sake.

**Eli's POV**

I flinched when Ms. Dawes made her announcement; in fact I flinched just at the announcement of the name "Stalker/Angel". I knew I should be happy my story won – hundreds were submitted, and the judges chose mine- but the week that I wrote that story was the start of Fitz and Clare's interactions and the decline of our relationship. No matter how much I tried to avoid arguments, and regardless of the promise Clare made to me that week, she still left me. Hearing the name of the story just brought me back to that dark week…so much for me trying that whole new fresh start thing today. First class and it's already going _just so great_.

**Clare's POV**

'Well, it was well earned, Eli,' it was a great story. 'I sure hope you'll be in both my classes next year and that that cross-boundary form your dad asked me for at the parent-teacher conference won't be needed. Degrassi needs you,' Ms. Dawes said.

_Cross-boundary form_? Eli was moving? No, please God, no. Not now, not when I needed to make everything right. Why would he move? Not because of what happened…would he? I decided I couldn't bear not knowing and I had to ask him. He was always saying hi to me when he saw me so he wouldn't mind talking to me, right? I turned around and decided to risk it,

'You're moving?' I asked, with a sinking heart. Eli looked surprised that I was speaking to him, but I needed to know.

'Oh, about that, no, I'm not. Was just thinking about it for a while, but plans changed, that's all,' he said.

'Oh, that's good, Eli. That's really, really good,' I said, and turned back around.

**Adam's POV**

Hallelujah we have first contact! I am so on board with this plan. Obviously not much was going to happen this class, but I needed to help this along. God knows how long it takes these two to get anything done when it comes to getting together. Not living through that again. But as far as I knew Clare and Fitz were still all buddy-buddy, so hat was a huge problem. But maybe if her and Eli could just be friends again, all would be right in the universe.

**Eli's POV**

I didn't expect Clare to talk to me, and my heart beat about a mile a minute when she did. Was she sad at the prospect of me moving away? With the amount of time we talked to each other these days, surely it wouldn't make that much of a difference in her day. Or so one would think, no? Well, I would definitely not push. I don't even know what counts as suffocating any more, and she is Fitz' friend – or maybe even more – now, not mine. I was working on making myself better, and by the end of the day I had made plans to hang out with Adam this weekend, as well as stop by Sav's on Saturday to drop off some new tunes my dad would get for him. One of the many cool things about my dad's job was that he got access to singles and albums before they were released, so I was always ahead of all my friends when it came to new music. And I'd let Sav in on it too, because the dude had a wicked taste and as long as I didn't abuse the privileges I had, everything was cool.

**Clare's POV**

Today was my dad's turn to spend the weekend, but surprise surprise – he chose to drive down to New York instead, to see his new girlfriend. Normally I would head to the dot and be listening to Fitz' lies and charade right around now, but there was no way I was ever going to do that again. I really missed Alli, so after a quick phone call, we made plans to hang out. As she was still trying to regain the trust of her parents after her whole disappearance act, we decided it would be best for me to head to her house as opposed to have her leave her house. I stopped by a Starbucks and picked up a caramel macchiato for myself and a gingerbread latte for Alli, and in that moment, walking in the sunshine and listening to Taylor Swift's soft melodies, I felt somewhat at peace…a caramel macchiato was so much better than the Dot coffee, spending time with Alli was so much more of a treat these days, since she had moved away from Degrassi, Eli wasn't transferring and I knew that if I only tried, I could make it all right. As Taylor Swift seemed to be directly telling me, I could go back to December and make it all right. Over the past few days, I went back to December in my mind all the time as well. It was time to get my Taylor Lautner back. Even if all I could hope to reclaim was Eli's friendship, that would make me so happy. I needed him.

Spending the afternoon with Alli turned out to be exactly what I needed. She gave me a huge hug when I told her I had broken things off with Fitz, and she encouraged my plan to try to regain my friendship with Eli, and told me to just go off of the signals he gives me and I should be able to tell if there was any hope of us ever regaining our relationship as well. I was just heading up Alli's front steps when the door opened and out stepped the boy who had been on my mind constantly over the last couple of days. He smiled when he saw me, but he instantly changed his expression, as if trying to cover up the first moment where his body had betrayed his mind.

'Hi Clare. I'm just dropping off some music for Sav,' he said, as if trying to justify himself.

'Eli, hi, it's so nice to see you,' I said, and I could feel myself blushing. 'I just hung out with Alli. I really miss her since she left,' I explained.

'I know you do, Clare. She really misses you too, it's obvious. She tells me that practically every time I am over here. Well, not so much lately, probably on account of, you know, I can still tell she does. I think she should just come back to Degrassi, but some things I will never understand, and I think strict parents are at the top of that list,' he said with a smirk.

'I couldn't imagine why!' I said, as Eli reached into his pocket and held out an envelope.

'Here, I need to give you this. I was going to give it to Alli to pass to you, but I might as well give it to you now,' he said.

'What is this?' I asked.

'It's the money prize from the gothic horror story competition. You should have it. It's only fair,' he said.

'Eli, that was _your_ story. I can't take this,' I said, with a look of determination set on my face.

'Clare…' he hesitated, 'what I told you – that I was only able to write that story because of your help, support, and of course – amazing editing skills – I mean that. It was all about you, so this is only fair,' he said softly.

'No, Eli, no. This isn't happening,' I replied.

'You know, editors take a share of the profits of the writers they represent. We could just follow that formula, but I insist that in our case it should be 50/50 – you didn't just edit it, you added a lot of new ideas. Please, Clare,' he said.

'Okay, that's much better. What else is in here,' I said, feeling something else in the envelope.

'Oh, that's just something else I thought you might like. Your girl Taylor Swift wrote a few new songs that are going to go on a new release of her album I heard – like a platinum edition kind of thing, I think – and I just thought you might like to hear them – brand new material, it'll only be you and people who work in promotions who will be able to hear it until it comes out next month. Plus, there's some acoustic versions and a couple of live performances from the tour she's on. I know how much you love it when she puts out new stuff, and I had to get that money to you anyway, so I figured I would include it,' he shrugged.

'Eli, that is so thoughtful of you, thank you so much. I can't believe I get to listen to these songs before anyone else!' I really was so excited. This was amazing!

'Yeah, my mom loves her too, and even though her music is quite girly and not exactly my style, I can totally respect the fact that she writes her own music and that she plays guitar and piano. My mom plays her music when she is cooking and I can tell you that all of those new songs are better than her older ones – I even like one, it's called _Ours_. Anyway, ask Sav to put them on your iPod for you,' he said. When we were dating, Eli was always introducing me to new music and showing me new stuff from artists he knew I liked – always exclusive things like live concert videos, covers, and special things you couldn't get on iTunes. He would always transfer them to my iPod too, I never knew how to do that - and the fact that he kept his eye out for this Taylor Swift stuff, as well as the fact that he remembered I couldn't transfer it to my iPod myself and even had a plan for that, brought me to the verge of tears. This was _my_ Eli, sweet and fun and thoughtful, standing right in front of me. I moved to give him a hug, I just had to.

My heart broke as he took a step back. He looked so sad and he said 'Clare, no need. Really, it was no problem. I should go inside now, Sav is a very punctual dude and he likes people to be the same way. See you at school,' he said, and headed inside.

Although I was sad, I couldn't blame him. I was sending him mixed messages, and he didn't even know I no longer hung out with Fitz. I needed to make this right…and soon.

**Eli's POV**

I wanted nothing more than to step into that hug from my girl. Except that Clare was no longer my girl and hugging her, being able to smell her sweet shampoo bouncing off of her beautiful curls, would be too much. She was the sweet Clare that she always has been, just trying to do a nice thing in return. She couldn't have meant anything by it, and I couldn't do that…not when she'd be hugging Fitz a few minutes later probably.

So I headed inside and was heading up the stairs to Sav's room when I heard someone call me name. I turned around to see Alli. We never talked much when Clare and I were dating, and even less when I came over after we had broken up, so I was a little surprised at this.

'Eli, you should talk to her.' She said.

'I just did,' I explained, a little confused.

'No, Eli, I mean…really talk to her. Clare could use a friend right now,' she went on,

'Alli, I can't be that person,' I tried to tell her.

'You can't be her friend? Really, Eli?' she asked me.

'If I push Clare, she will just say I am suffocating her. I don't want to bring her any more trouble – she broke up with me for a reason,' I tried to explain.

'Eli,' Alli said, taking a step closer to me and I could tell there were tears forming in her eyes, 'feeling alone, having no one to talk to, is not a good feeling. Trust me, I have been there. Clare has been through a lot. I'm her best friend, Eli, I know that. And I also know that no one can talk to her like you can. Just promise me that if she tries to, you won't be … scared. If she comes to you, can you just…how can I explain this…be _her_ Eli? I have a feeling she really needs her Eli about now,' she told me.

'Alli, if Clare came to me to talk, I would never turn her away,' I told her.

'Just, don't doubt it if she does, okay? Don't step away from her hugs…I saw that outside. Don't hesitate, Eli. Hesitate and you'll lost her,' she said.

'Alli, I've already lost her,' I said, sadly. How could she not know this?

'Oh, Eli, I don't know about that. Just promise me, okay?' she continued.

'Of course, I promise,' I said, and I couldn't help but wonder what that was all about as I headed up the stairs to Sav's room.

**Cece's POV**

I was at the grocery store trying to get everything on my list as quickly as possible, when I saw Clare's mom picking out oranges. I knew what I had to do, and this was my chance to do it. I approached her rapidly.

'Helen, hey, it's me, Eli's mom,' I started. Helen and I were quite different, but this was about her daughter, and I needed to make sure she heard me.

'Hi, Cece, of course. How are you? Haven't seen you in a long time.' She answered.

'I'm fine, thank you, Helen. And you?' I asked.

'Oh, I am doing very well thank you. My divorce will be finalized on May 30th, just waiting on that deadline. I'm happy that my soon to be ex-husband and I decided to be the ones moving back in forth between the house and the condo, and that we didn't have Clare do that. I think it's helped her cope with his huge change in her life much better,' she said.

'That's great, Helen, I was so happy to hear that she took Eli's advice and suggested that to you and your husband. You know, Helen, I wanted to talk to you, just because a few days ago while my husband and I were shopping we ran into Clare – my husband quite literally. We dropped her off at home and she was crying, but wouldn't tell us why, and I have been meaning to talk to you ever since. Maybe it's me being paranoid, but my mother's intuition tells me something may be wrong, so I just wanted to mention it to you. I don't know much about Fitz, and as you can imagine, I am not too fond of the boy, and I just wanted to make sure he's not doing anything to make Clare uncomfortable,' I said.

'Thank you for your concern, Cece. I'll definitely be sure to talk to Clare about this Fitz boy. I was really sorry to hear that her and Eli broke up, he was such a nice boy. I hope they can be friends again at least,' Helen said.

'Me too, Helen, me too. It was good to talk to you, have a good night,' I said as I started to walk away.

'Good night to you too, Cece,' she said. That was a little awkward, but it needed to get done. I felt as if a big weight had been lifted off my chest immediately.


	8. Chapter 8

**Clare's POV**

These new songs were amazing. Eli was right, Taylor Swift was getting to be an even better songwriter, which I wouldn't have believed to be possible if someone had told me before hearing these songs, as her old album was also nothing short of amazing. I was just about to play _Ours_, which I was so curious about because Eli, out of all people to express a liking for a Taylor Swift song, had done so, but I heard my mom come in and call my name. This was strange, as today was my weekend with my dad. I headed downstairs immediately, hoping nothing was wrong.

'Clare, we need to talk. Where is your father?' she asked.

'New York. Girlfriend time takes precedence over Clare time, mom.' I stated, bitterly.

'What? I can't believe this. Well, then, I'll stay here tonight – you and I are having a much-needed girls' night,' she said, gesturing to the shopping bags she brought. 'Here is a caramel macchiato for you, love, and after we talk we can choose a girly movie – preferably a Reese Witherspoon one – from Video on Demand. But first, Clare-bear, I need to apologize to you. Ever since the divorce, I've been so preoccupied with my own issues that I've stopped being a good mother. It took a chat with a good mother today to see that, and I would like you to be honest with me and tell me everything – starting with why you and Eli broke up, and who Fitz is. And why you are spending so much time with him,' she said.

Tears flooded my eyes and all I wanted to do was hug my mom, so I did. There was so much I wanted to tell her, and ever since her and my dad begun having their problems, we hadn't once had a girls night, so I was so happy she came over tonight. I decided I would tell her everything – not just from the point of me and Eli's break-up, but all the things I had avoided telling her before – like the whole story of Vegas night, and catch her up with the Fitz situation.

I could tell she could sense my hurt as she hugged me tighter and whispered 'It'll be all right, sweetheart. Whatever it is, we will fix it. You and I will. Trust me'. And I did. She grabbed the phone and said 'Hi Joe, it's Helen, I'm going to need one large pizza with everything on it. Thank you.' I smiled – she remembered; the pizza was one of the traditions of our girls' nights ever since Darcy and I were little girls and mom first introduced the concept to us.

I started to tell mom everything, and two hours and many tears later, I could finally see clearly. My mom made me feel slightly better about my mistake with Fitz, telling me I've always been one to trust people, and that trust was not a bad thing, but that I would have to maybe wait for doubtful people to prove they are worth it. On the subject of Eli, my mom said she knew he couldn't be the easiest person to be in a relationship with, and that I would have to try to regain his trust little by little if I wanted to save our friendship. I knew she was right. I slept in my mom's bed that night, just as Darcy and I always used to at the end of girls' nights when we were little girls, and it was the first true comfort I felt in months. I knew I had to make this right.

**Helen's POV**

I couldn't believe everything Clare had been through – had I really been so self-absorbed that I hadn't noticed all of these things going on with my daughter? I was so ashamed – being a parent was so important to me, and my little girls have always been my pride and joy. I promised myself last night as Clare was telling me everything, that I would never allow this to happen again. I would always be there for Clare, and that plan was going to start this morning. I called Mrs. Torres this morning, the head of the Parents' Board, to ask for the contact information of the Fitzgeralds'. Now, technically, I knew she wouldn't be allowed to give out this information, but when I told her I wanted to make sure that manipulative jerk left my daughter alone once and for all, she gave in immediately. Turns out my child isn't the only one who was a victim of Fitz' doings. So after obtaining their phone number, I paid his parents a visit and told them to ensure Fitz changes jobs and never contacts my daughter, Eli, or Mrs. Torres' son again. I made it very clear that if I had to take the legal route of a restraining order, I would, casually mentioning my husband (this time the word ex was left off, I decided these people did not need to know everything) was a lawyer at one of the most prominent firms in Toronto. I knew Fitz already had a record and they would want to stay away from court time, and my plan seemed to work, as his parents promised me they would meet all of my conditions. On my way home I stopped at the Dot where much to my delight I found out the assistant manager in staffing was none other than Peter Stone, who assured me Fitz would be receiving a decent recommendation for a job decently done, and that Peter's employer, who happened to own several other businesses, would place him at one far away from our neighbourhood. As I got home, I updated Clare on the situation, who told me that for the first time in a long time, she felt like she could breathe easily again. It broke my heart that I had let things get this bad, but I promised her we could make them better together. I had to leave early as I was heading to a three day conference in Ottawa, but Clare promised me she would be all right on her own until her father got home on Monday morning.

**Clare's POV**

Talking to my mom had made feel so much better. I really missed being able to tell her everything, but with everything she had going on with the divorce, I just felt like it would be too much for her to handle. But as soon as I told her everything and she acted on it, it made me realize how much I needed her. The Fitz situation seemed to be resolved – he would be out of my life and Eli's and Adam's for sure as well. It felt like a huge weight has been lifted off of my chest. I headed to my room and I must have listened to _Ours_ at least fifteen times, crying the whole time. I literally stayed up for hours and hours – it was 1:30am- just listening to it over and over again.

The melody and Taylor Swift's guitar playing was absolutely excellent, but what really got me was the lyrics. I wondered if Eli had related them to us as I was doing. I suspect he must have…and I can't help but hurt at the fact that I failed him…I did let others speculate on whether the love he and I had was wrong, let them influence it in the worst possible way, and I did not fight their doubt and give him faith. As much as I knew that our love was a thing that shined, I let people throw rocks at it and shatter it. Was it too late to get it back? I really wished I could tell how Eli felt, but I was so scared that I had hurt him too badly in order for him to return to me.

My thoughts were interrupted as I heard someone open the door and enter. Was dad back early? My heart froze in fear when I saw who was standing inside my house. How did I not lock my door? Why did I not have my cell phone in my pocket? What was _he_ doing here? I couldn't move because of the sheer terror flowing through my body as he approached me.

**Eli's POV**

In the span of a few days, I had gone from one extreme to the other – whereas previously, I would sleep as much as possible in an attempt to escape the horrible things that had become my situation, ever since talking to Alli, I had basically become unable to get more than 4 hours of sleep every night. My parents were relieved I wasn't going to bed really early and they took it as a sign that I really was improving, but they just weren't up late enough to tell that I never made it to before 2am. My dad would leave at 3am to do the morning show, and many times I was still wide awake when he was leaving. Alli's words were haunting me. Was something wrong with Clare? Was it her parents? Last I knew they had decided to be the ones going back and forth, but that obviously wouldn't mean the end of all possible arguments. Maybe it was even worse than before? And then of course, my mind wouldn't stop from going…there. I knew they were spending time together. I knew he hadn't really changed. But what made things complicated was that I didn't know if they were in a relationship of not. It wasn't my business to know that anymore. Nevertheless, if Fitz tried to pull something on Clare that she didn't want, he could consider himself a dead man. Since Vegas night I promised myself I wouldn't get into these kinds of situations ever again, but there was not a doubt in my mind that if he did anything to Clare to hurt her, there is nothing in the world that could possibly stop me from giving him what he'd deserve. These were the kinds of thoughts that kept me up every night, feelings of utter powerlessness coursing through my body. If I didn't know what was going on, how was I supposed to act? I tossed and turned and debated every possible action until I could no longer take it and headed downstairs to try to find my Palahniuk novel – I had been reading it down there and never brought it up to my room. Once I found it, I decided to stay downstairs a little longer and grab some milk and cookies.

The first floor of the house always seemed so different at night than the way it was during the day – so dark and quiet. I liked it – the calmness of the space seemed to seep into my own state of being, so I sat down on the couch for a while…and when I thought I heard something outside, I thought that seemed weird. Who would be out in a residential neighbourhood at 2am? But the more I listened and tried to focus on the noise outside, I was convinced I wasn't imagining it. When I opened my front door, I realized I hadn't been wrong – there was a small figure sitting on the front steps of my house, crying. I would recognize that figure anywhere – it was Clare, _my _Clare. As soon as she saw me open the door, she stood up and I unintentionally gasped at the sight of her. It was raining outside, creating that gross Toronto humidity in the air, and Clare's beautiful curls were soaked, some of them clinging to her face and no matter how much she tried to push her bangs to the side, they kept falling over her gorgeous blue eyes. Her face was stained with tear marks and her eyes were so red and so puffy that it was heartbreaking. She was wearing pink striped pyjamas which were totally soaked and covered in mud from her knees down. In that moment, I stopped over analyzing my every little move as I had formed the habit of doing in her presence for the last two months, and let my instincts take over. I stepped towards her, but as I did so, she took a step back.

'Clare, it's just me, Eli. I won't hurt you,' I said.

'I know you won't hurt me,' she said, determination in her eyes. 'It's not that…it's just that – you don't need this, me showing up like this after months of not talking to you. I'm sorry, Eli, I don't know, my feet just led me here, when I know I don't deserve to come to you anymore,' she said, sobbing.

'Don't say that. Please, you can't tell me that. It's me, Clare,' I sighed, '…and I'm not going anywhere. I wouldn't want you going to any other place,' I said, trying to communicate to her that she didn't have to worry. It must have worked, because as I slowly took another step forward, Clare stepped into my open arms and immediately collapsed. To say that I was scared to death about what could have caused her to run away from home in her pyjamas in the middle of the night was an understatement. But I needed to take care of her at the moment, because as much as she was shaking in my arms, what must be going on inside her mind is probably ten times worse. I sensed she couldn't do any more walking tonight so I just picked her up bridal style and brought her inside my house, closing the door behind me and walking up the stairs to my room. I saw my parents' light turn on and I was glad to see they were awake. I knew I would need my mom in a minute.

I entered my room and gently put Clare down on the bed. I noticed she flinched when her right arm touched the bed. She was still shaking uncontrollably, so I put her down on the bed and wrapped a blanked tightly around her. 'Clare, you will feel better if you take a warm shower,' I told her. 'Did you run here?' I asked, knowing well that that was her only possible mode of transportation.

Clare nodded and opened her mouth as if to say more, but only sobs came out as she tried to put together a coherent thought but failed. I kept thinking _'boundaries, Eli, you can't treat her like you would have when she was still your girlfriend,'_ but this image was breaking my heart, so I laid down next to her and gave her a hug. 'Clare, baby, you don't have to tell me anything right now. But please, try to stop shaking. You're safe now, nothing bad is going to happen to you at my house. It's just me and Cece and Bullfrog here. I need to get you warm and changed though,' I tried to explain. I could feel her body relax into my hug only to tighten back up at my suggestion of a shower. How could she possibly think I would try anything on her like this? I need to clarify and quick – 'Cece is going to help you, okay? And I will be right outside the entire time, okay?' I explained, and Clare's shaking and sobbing only got more violent. She sat up on the bed and I did the same, wrapping her up in the blanket as tight as I could. I held her for a few more minutes as she laid her head on my chest, sobbing wildly. I pushed her curls away from her face and ran my fingers through them. 'Shh, baby, it's all right, you're safe now. It's okay now Clare. You got here. That's all that matters. Push everything else out of your mind,' I said, and slowly her sobs subsided, but the violent shaking continued. What could have happened to this girl that led to this? As much as I wanted to know, and as much as I feared my worst suspicion was right, I needed to focus on what Clare needed in order to make her feel better right now. 'Clare, you will get really sick if you stay in these clothes. I'm going to get my mom, and she will help you take a shower and get changed, okay? I'll just go across the hall to get her and then I will be right back, I promise. Is that all right?' I asked, wanting to make sure that she would be okay with me leaving for just a few seconds. She nodded, but wouldn't let go. I removed her arms from behind me and laid them down gently on the bed, telling her I will be right back.

I booked it across the hall and was glad to see my mom and dad up and ready to go. 'What can we do?' my dad asked immediately. I looked at my parents, prepared to do whatever I would ask of them, and felt my heart swell with love. 'Actually dad, I was hoping mom could help Clare take a shower,' I said immediately. 'I don't know what happened to her, so please don't ask her before she is ready to tell us. Just please, mom, help her.'

'Of course, baby boy, let's go,' and we both headed back to my room to find Clare curled up in a corner of the bed, crying. I picked her up again and led her into the bathroom that connected to my room. When we got there, I asked her if she thought she could stand, and I put her down when she nodded, and left in order to allow her her privacy and my mom's help. I soon heard the water turn on, and my dad came into my room with a change of sheets, which was great timing because my old ones were now wet and covered in mud, as was most of my clothing. I quickly changed into a Dead Hand t-shirt and a pair of black soccer shorts, as my dad told me he'd be across the hall. 'Slightest thing, don't hesitate to come in, I mean it, son. And be careful, Clare must be very upset right now…give her her space,' he said. 'Dad, seriously? Of course I will,' I said, a little surprised at his comment. What did he think I was planning on doing? 'I know son, I'm sorry, I just thought I'd say it just in case,' he said, and I was no longer irritated. This was a touch circumstance for everyone.

I picked out some clothes for Clare to wear, and my mom came out to grab them and she must have helped Clare change into them. They both came out of my bathroom, and my mom said 'Okay, Clare, thank you love. I will be right across the hall, you two. If you need the slightest thing, don't hesitate to call. Clare honey, I hate to be a nag, but…does your mother know where you are? It's every parent's worst nightmare to wake up and not know where their child is,' she said. She had a point.

Clare was still shaking as she put her words together 'She is in Ottawa and my dad is in New York. My dad is coming back tomorrow morning, but no one will be wondering where I am tonight. I'll make sure to get in touch with my dad before tomorrow,' she explained. Ottawa and New York? This was news to me. 'All right, love, don't forget to do that,' my mom said and left my room.

I took one look at the broken girl, standing there in my gray Dead Hand T-shirt and black sweatpants, and wrapped her in a hug. 'Clare, you need to get some rest. You can sleep in my bed and I'll be right here, down on the floor, okay? Do you feel any better after the shower?' I asked, desperate to get a sense of where she was at in this moment.

'Eli, I don't know how to thank you..'she started, but I cut her off. 'Clare, you don't need to thank me. If you really want to, you'll lay down and try to stop shaking – it's worrying me that you haven't stopped since you got here. Please, it can't be good for you,' I pleaded.

'Will you…lay with me?' she asked, and I really wanted to, but that was surely suffocation-line crossing, I thought, and I did not want to make the same mistake twice, so I said 'Clare, maybe you need your space right now…'

'If I don't ever hear the word 'space' again, I'll be..so..happy.E-Eli,' she said, her sobs once again getting out of control. If she was ever going to calm down, I needed to do something. 'Okay, okay, let's lie down,' I said, caving in. I picked her up and placed her on the bed and tucked her in. I layed down next to her on top of the covers and she turned around to face me and began 'Eli…I was so scared. I know you are thinking the worst right now, but I want to tell you what happened,' she said, still shaking.

'How can I get you to stop this shaking, baby? It's only getting worse?' I knew I shouldn't be calling her baby, it's about the third time I've slipped since she got here, but I just couldn't control myself.

'Hold me, please,' she said, and I just had to listen to her as I saw the fear in her eyes. I joined her under the covers and wrapped her in a hug.

'You were right, you know,' she said, 'about…Fitz. It was all an act; I figured it out when I talked to Peter and he told me there was no work placement connection between the dot and juvi. So then I called it off with Fitz, told him to stay away from me, you, and Adam, and my mom talked to his parents and threatened to get a restriction order against him,' she said. I didn't like where this was going, and my fists clenched involuntarily as anger coursed through my body. _He_ had done this to her. I just had to know, 'Clare, were you…dating him? I know you spent time with him, but were you his girlfriend?' I asked.

'No; we hung out a lot though so I think he thought we were. So then when his parents told him about my mom and the restriction order, he saw the plan he carefully constructed totally fall apart and he decided to pay me a visit at 1:30 in the morning,' she continued, and I couldn't take it anymore, I sat up, and my own body started violently shaking as I struggled to mutter 'Clare, what did he do to you? I am going to kill him,' I told her – I didn't care if she would disapprove, this was unacceptable! 'Eli, Eli, I know you're thinking the worst – he didn't do _that_ – he just came into my house with an evil grin on his face as he realized I was alone, and…' she stopped as she noticed I was shaking more and more, but I told her, 'Don't stop, Clare, keep going. I'm fine,' I lied, but I needed to know everything. 'He grabbed my right arm and kissed me and told me our spiritual connection needed to become physical as he tried to take me upstairs,' she said, as I muttered 'He's a dead man, Clare,' but she continued, 'but I managed to escape by kicking him in his…personal area. He let go of my arm and I ran out the back door. I didn't even consciously know where I was going, I just kept running and running until I found myself sitting on your front steps at 2am,' she said.

'I'm so glad you came, here, Clare. Really, I am,' I said honestly. 'No one can hurt you here. We'll make sure that bastard gets what he deserves,' I said, explaining to her, 'we'll do it the legal way, I promise. And I'm gonna make sure that gets done in the next few hours, before I see him in person, because if I do, I swear, Clare, he's a dead man. I know you think I'm being crazy over-protective, but I'm done trying to hide the way I feel so I won't lose you. I already lost you, and for what he did, I truly believe Fitz would deserve it,' I said.

'Eli, Fitz might deserve it, but you wouldn't deserve a criminal record, or going to jail for murder. You deserve the best – the best novels to your name, or whatever other career you decide on, and the best girl to stand by you. Not one that betrays your trust in the most hurtful way possible,' she said, tears violently streaming down her face.

'Clare, yes I was hurt, but everyone makes mistakes. And your mistake, my darling, is being too good of a person in this case, and I can't blame you for it, and I definitely don't hate you for it. I don't deserve you, Clare, I'm too messed up,' I finally admitted.

'How could you say that? If anyone doesn't deserve the other here, it's me,' she said. 'Eli, I am so deeply sorry for what I've done,' she went on.

'No more apologies Clare, the only thing that matters right now is for you to get better. You don't know how relieved I am to hear that you got away from Fitz,' I said, taking her left hand in mine and rotating the delicate ring on it.

'Eli…,' she slowly said, 'I'm sorry for not fighting harder for us. I'm sorry for walking away from you right when you needed me the most. I'm sorry for breaking the special promise that I made to you. I'm sorry for giving up on what was _ours_,' she said, and it seemed the tears would never stop flowing, so I wrapped my hand on her waist and kissed them away. She leaned into my touch and gently placed her hands on my chest.

'No more apologies, baby. Those things don't matter anymore,' I softly said, and Clare surprised me by pressing her lips to mine. I responded gently but pulled away pretty soon, my dad's words entering my mind. 'Clare, I still love you. I always have, but I don't think we should rush into anything tonight. If you want to, we have nothing but time to make this work,' I explained.

'Really, Eli? You would give me another chance?' she asked, a smile appearing on her face for the first time tonight.

'Of course, baby, and I promise I'll take things slow and talk over all my fears with you from now on. No more bottling things up,' I said, meaning every word.

'Eli, I love you,' Clare said, and tears filled my own eyes as I said 'I love you too, Clare. Now, please try to get some sleep, baby,' I said as I rocked her gently to sleep.

**Clare's POV**

It's been one month since what was at the same time the worst and best night of my life. My dad took out that restraining order only to find out that by talking to me and Eli, Fitz was actually breaking one of the terms of this early release from juvi – yet another thing fictitiously added to Father Greg's resume by Fitz was his role as encourager of Fitz trying to talk to me and Eli when he was actually prohibited to do so. Breaking this term actually meant Fitz had to return to juvi, but this time it was one in Halifax, as his family was attempting a fresh start in that new province. I couldn't be more relieved about the fact that he was going to be hundreds of miles away. As I sit here in the park with Eli and Adam and the latest addition to our trio, one Ms. Fiona Coyne, I can't help but be so grateful that everything is back to the way it should be. Even better, in Adam's case. He is reading a comic book while Fiona is flipping through a magazine, ecstatic that she did finally find the perfect shirt to bring out my eyes and apparently proceeded to order it on her phone as my birthday was coming up. Eli is typing a new story for a contest on his laptop, and I can tell this new one is a challenge for him, at it is meant to be in genre of romance, and as much of a romantic as he is, writing in that genre is totally different than anything he's done before. But I think that with a little help from yours truly, he might have a shot at winning again. Because when Eli and I stuck together, we were invincible. This love was ours, and we would keep it with us no matter what. That I knew for sure.

'

'


End file.
